Writers Still Obsessed with Damon

Maybe it's his eyes. Anyway, this article about signing Damon comes from Detroit Rock City. Written by Lynn Henning, it's a great example of a writer who is going on information he remembers from two to three years ago about Damon. Take it away Lynn (me in regular type/Lynn in italics):

With shaky offense, Tigers will be challenged to finish .500

Alright, good start. A straight-forward theme.


A not-so-giddy thought for Tigers fans four days before spring training convenes has to do with the romancing of outfielder Johnny Damon.
What's troublesome for the Tigers is this: Even if they sign Damon, who would at least bring manager Jim Leyland a reliable leadoff bat, the Tigers will be lucky to finish .500 in 2010.

At no point does Lynn provide any statistical evidence as to why he came to this deduction. Just a bunch of guess as to what the players will do. Now I'm not saying he's wrong, just that I have no solid basis for his conclusion.

A reasonable view today, based on the way the current roster shakes out, is they might win 80 games, with 75 being more realistic.
Offense stands to be a king-size problem for the Tigers in 2010 and Damon will only make a potentially bad situation one important batter better.

Is there any reason the offense is a king-size problem? And I've already covered this before, but Damon is past his prime, an solid offensive player, but not someone that should take time away from a good prospect.

Damon, however, would be a big lift, all because he has dependable on-base percentage (.365 in 2009, .355 career), which is a vital number for a team so seemingly runs-challenged.

Why are they run-challenged?!?! I'll make the case for Lynn. Last year they averaged 4.6 r/g. That was good for 11th out of 14 teams. Team OPS+ of 93. It was that easy. I found it here.

That he has been shopped heavily by his agent, Scott Boras, is irrelevant.

Then why write it? Also, a terribly constructed sentence. "Scott Boras has shopped Damon around, but that is irrelevant." Better. Still shouldn't be in the article.

A sinking off-season market sodden with cash-strapped teams has at least created for the Tigers an opportunity.

Again Lynn, poor sentence construction. No commas? That's the fault of you and your editor. Let's see what we can do with this one. "A sinking off-season market sodden with cash-strapped teams has created an opportunity for the Tigers." There we go.

Mike Ilitch, the Tigers owner who wanted payrolls pared back, has clearly gotten nervous about his club's capabilities. Ilitch and the Tigers' front office are now considering hooking up with Damon and Boras...

I'm so tired of today's hook up culture. Owners and GM's just jumping in the sack with any agent that buys them an appletini at Spy Bar.

The shame of this somewhat revised thinking is that it prevented the Tigers from offering Placido Polanco arbitration in December. The payroll was then being pruned with such discipline that the Tigers couldn't afford being stuck with Polanco at $8 million or $9 million, even if they could have traded him by picking up a few million of his salary.

Polanco projects at a 3.3 WAR to Damon's 3.2. But the number's I've heard thrown around for Damon are in the $5 million range so maybe it was not a bad move. Like Lynn said earlier, the market is terrible this year for free agents.

Damon, Boras and the Tigers should still hook up.

I hope they use protection at least. Call back!

The Tigers can't assume that rookie Austin Jackson will be ready to play a full season in center or as their leadoff batter.

Again, I already covered this, but Damon is not a centerfielder anymore. Zero games as a centerfielder last year and terrible numbers in 2008.

The Tigers need Damon at the top spot. And then they must pray for surprises, all of them pleasant.

Why would they pray for unpleasant surprises?

Scott Sizemore must hit as Polanco's replacement at second base. He has the skills to hit for a nice average with some extra-base crunch.

OK, I just looked up his stats in Baseball Prospectus 2010 and they have the wrong player stats listed. Page 194 if you have one. Here are the real ones. Honestly, this is the first player I've looked up and his stats are wrong. I'm very disappointed Prospectus.

Seriously, Carlos Guillen must hit, and so must Magglio Ordonez.

Lynn is being totally serial. (South Park tag!) This sentence just doesn't say anything. You can make that statement for any team. For the Cubs to win Lee MUST HIT. For the Lakers to win Kobe MUST SCORE. (Third example should be a joke, cause that's the rules of comedic rhythm, but I got nothing.)

Brandon Inge must have a full season of offense on the scale of his 2009 first half. Gerald Laird needs to be the batter he often was before arriving in Detroit.

Yeah Lynn, we get it. It would help if the players played well. Great observation.

The biggest breakthrough must occur in center field, Curtis Granderson's old position. That's why Casper Wells remains perhaps the most pivotal player who arrives at Lakeland, Fla., this week. He could provide the punch necessary to minimize Granderson's departure for New York, at least until Jackson shows he belongs in the big leagues. Or, until Clete Thomas or Ryan Raburn can prove they're the answer.

If those are your choices for center I'd sign Damon right now. All of them project at a WARP under 1.4. Wells and Thomas are under .5. Again, Damon projects at a 3.2, for the sake of comparison. Though he is NOT a centerfielder.

That's an awful lot of issues in need of going the Tigers' way during the next six weeks. Otherwise, the Tigers must hope they have a surplus of pitching at the end of spring camp.

"Otherwise" is not the word you wanted there Lynn. I mean really they should hope for to have great pitching either way.

A pitching glut would allow for a trade, which could perk up an offense that right now is no match for the Minnesota Twins, who, incidentally, have quietly hit $100 million in payroll.

Holy crap is that true? Wow. Nice stat. I've confirmed it here.

But the above scenarios are also why you allow spring training to play out. Surprises emerge, some of them on the plus side. And the Tigers, these days, are really keen on pluses.

First of all, you can't stop spring training from playing out. Secondly, I'm going to rewrite that last sentence a few times with one change each time to prove a point:

And the Rockies, these days, are really keen on pluses.

And the Red Sox, these days, are really keen on pluses.

And Pauly Shore, these days, is really keen on pluses. (Third one!! I did it!!!)

Case Closed!

George Bremer Puts The Big Hurt On the English Language

George, like the rest of us heard about Frank Thomas' retirement on Friday. I'm hoping he did not spend the next 3 days working on this stinker of an article. (Me in regular/George in italics)

Big Hurt Truly Did It His Way

At 6-foot-5, 257 pounds, Frank Thomas is a giant literally and figuratively.

Going by that sentence you just mean literally unless you're going to point out that he is the greatest White Sox hitter in the next sentence.

The man Ken Harrelson dubbed "The Big Hurt" also is a walking contradiction.

Guess not. Also, keep that "walking contradiction" thing in mind. That should be the theme of the article.

A former tight end at Auburn, he once reportedly cried softly at his locker after being dressed down by then-shortstop Ozzie Guillen early in his career.


If Ozzie Guillen dressed me down, I'd spend the night in shower eating chocolate ice cream and sobbing like child. So Frank beats me on that one.

A man allegedly obsessed with his personal statistics, he talked longingly of playing his entire career with the Chicago White Sox and bringing a World Series championship to the South Siders.

Still looking for a contradiction...or that figurative giant thing you pointed out...

Thomas officially retired Friday, though he hasn’t played in the majors since 2008. With The Big Hurt, however, nothing’s simple.

He retired. How complicated is that? The man held on last year hoping to get picked up by a team. It didn't happen. Lots of players do this in their final years. They just aren't huge stars like Thomas.

He spent the first nine seasons of his career hitting like Ted Williams and the final 10 hewing closer to Dave Kingman.

Is that supposed to be the contradiction thing? I don't understand...

When the White Sox finally won the World Series in 2005, an injured Thomas played in just 34 games. He still managed to hit 12 home runs.

Yes, that was a sweet month for him, and White Sox fans I presume. However...not a contradiction.

After the season, he was released by the franchise that drafted him with the seventh overall pick of the 1989 amateur draft. He played 60 games in the majors a year later and won back-to-back American League MVP awards in 1993 and 1994.

Wait. He played in 60 games a year after he was released or a year after being drafted? Nice Timecop trick there, starting the paragraph in 2005, jumping back to 1989, then ending in 1994. Van Damme would be proud.

Much of his early career in the Windy City was overshadowed by Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. By the time Jordan left the city for good following the 1997-98 NBA season, the Cubs’ Sammy Sosa became the new favorite son.

Yeah, not a contradiction. It also argues against the whole "figurative giant" statement from earlier.

Perhaps that’s why Thomas never seemed to get the recognition his numbers said he deserved. In 1993, when the White Sox won their final American League West Division title, he hit .317 with 41 homers and 128 RBIs. A year later, in a strike-shortened year, he hit .353 with 38 homers and 101 RBIs.

Um, two league MVP's aren't recognition? Also a lot of people I heard talking about it on the airwaves think he's a first-ballot hall-of-famer. That would seem to be recognition.

But his most impressive contribution came off the field.
During an era plagued by performance-enhancing drugs, Thomas was never questioned. In fact, he was the only active player to volunteer to speak with George Mitchell, the former senator investigating the depth of steroid use in the sport.

Good for him. However...not his MOST IMPRESSIVE contribution. That was most definitely ON THE FIELD. If he cures Alzheimer's, then we'll talk.

Thomas reportedly wasn’t always the best teammate. He certainly wasn’t always great with the media. And he once embarrassingly admitted he wasn’t familiar with Jackie Robinson’s career.

That's actually pretty sad. But not a contradiction.

But he was -- with apologies to Nellie Fox, Luis Aparicio and Harold Baines -- the greatest player ever to don a White Sox jersey.

Not...a...contra...diction.

Thomas showed hard work and determination can outdistance pharmacology.
And, despite his faults, he was a hero in a game in dire need of them.
One of baseball’s all-time greats rode into the sunset Friday, and we’re all a little poorer for it.

Terrific George. You completely ignored the main point of your own article. And, if I may quote from you, "We're all a little poorer for it."

Case Closed.

The One Where Bret Gets Run Over

I'm just going to link to WO here since I'll pull information from them for this entry. I watched Raw last night for the first time in a couple weeks. Of course it is a totally lackluster show after 3 weeks of good shows. All the good shows I missed. Just bad timing I guess. Brett Hart came out in the first hour to give what turned out to be a farewell speech. He claimed since he could not get his match with Vince there was no reason for him to hang around and he was going to give his last goodbyes.
Now Dave Meltzer says the promo was weak, probably because Bret didn't' believe in it since the next part was ridiculous. I didn't think it was a bad promo, it was just unbelievable. No one of course bought the idea that Bret is done with this angle and, while the live crowd went along with it, the feeling where I watched it was this promo was a miss. Little did we know how much worse it would get.
As we're watching Bret get into the Limo, you could see the random car driven by a random blond getting ready to back up which totally telegraphed the rest of the sequence. This random woman backed into the limo door which trapped Bret's leg and he had to be carried away in an ambulance. Me and my friends both though that the ambulance driver would be revealed to be Vince in a call-back to the Austin angle. But no, they missed a great opportunity for a memorable moment.
To sum up my feelings on the angle, I'm going to quote writer Todd Martin of Figure Four Daily:
This is exactly the sort of scenario we all feared WWE would do with Bret and Vince: substitute the real life issue between the two for some contrived, WWE scripted bulls**t. After weeks of quality build I had completely let down my guard and assumed WWE was going to follow through this angle well, and then they pull this s**t.

Case Closed.

Todd Martin's Blog

NBA All-Star Weekend

I just knew that during this weekend I would get a plethora of terrible "ideas to improve the all-star/dunk/maxim party" articles. So I'm cruising the web finding as many as I can to give my audience (Hi Mom!) that are at the bottom of the barrel. We will start with Benjamin Hochman of the Denver Post and an article he calls:

Mr. Stern, Time for an All-Star Makeover


Dear David Stern,

See, it's like a letter. To David Stern. Clever.

The All-Star Game is boring. Like C-SPAN2 boring.

Just for a test I'm going to put C-SPAN2 on right now. Darn it. My cable company doesn't have CSPAN-2 so we'll go with just C-SPAN. And right now Jeff Zucker (CEO of NBC Universal) is talking about corporate reputations in...social...media...blogs...........z..z.z.z.z.z..z
O.K. Screw it. Lets see what's on Telemundo. Wow, a midget dressed as a luchadore tackling a guy wearing a cape while a half naked woman claps and laughs on stage. THIS is what the NBA All-Star game needs.
(Seriously, that was what was on.)

Like Padres-Pirates boring.

Come on now, leave the Pirates alone. They're already the Pirates. That's bad enough.

We're the NBA, darn it...

Who? You writing the letter? Are you supposed to be a GM or something Ben?

...the Barnum & Bailey of sports leagues.

I'm pretty sure that territorial claim is held by anything run by Vince McMahon.

Let's give this thing a Heidi Montag face-lift and get people buzzing about who's on the court, instead of just who's sitting courtside.

I don't know who that is a reference to, but I imagine it's some sort of used up Hollywood actress who's currently chain-smoking and drinking Night Train in a small apartment that she affords thanks to the occasional alimony check from her ex-agent/ex-husband.

1. A 4-point shot. Now, I'm not trying to tarnish the game here, I'm just trying to spice up this exhibition by adding a 4-point, sideline-to- sideline arc, perhaps 3 feet deeper than a 3-pointer. It wouldn't be tacky, it would be tactful — a clever way to create a buzz.

If I remember right, didn't MTV has a similar thing for the Rock N' Jock basketball game? I think Master P hit like a 20 point shot or something like that to win game MVP. They, of course, do not hold that game anymore. I'm just sayin'...


It would be unique to the NBA All-Star Game. And if the game got out of hand, the losing team could theoretically climb back into it with a foray into 4-point land. (I can already hear it on "SportsCenter": "LeBron for 4. . . . Fore!")

I've heard it once and I'm already gritting my teeth at how annoying it is.

2. Roster reordering. OK, you gotta follow me on this one.

No we don't, we're skipping this part.

3. Commissioner's picks. The NBA prides itself on teamwork and community service. And there are players every year, notably the best defensive players or "energy" players, who don't get rewarded because they don't have glitzy stats. I say, each year, a 13th player is named to each conference's all-star team — the commissioner's all-star.

Yes, that would generate fan interest. Having a player on the team fans didn't vote for. Brilliant.

At the end of Ben's article there's a section called "Spotlight On" where, I'm guessing, he puts the spotlight...on...something... So here it is:

The All-Star Game MVP
Not that the down decades helped, but the Nuggets' franchise has had only one All-Star Game MVP, David Thompson in 1979. In fact, the past 12 MVP awards have gone to just six guys: Shaquille O'Neal (three), Kobe Bryant (three), Allen Iverson (two, both with the 76ers), LeBron James (two), Kevin Garnett and Tim Duncan.

If it wasn't for the Philly fans booing Kobe I wouldn't remember any of these.

This season, Nuggets (and Western Conference) coach George Karl wants his guy to make a run at it.
"I would hope Melo takes the All-Star Game a little more serious," Karl said of Carmelo Anthony, elected to his first starting position.

Considering that Melo probably has 10 parties to go to during All-Star weekend you should just be happy he shows up to the game.

Case Closed.