A special article from a special man...

According to the Detroit Free Press website Jamie Samuelsen is a Free Press "Special Writer." I'm not sure what that means, but I'm guessing it has to do with providing him health insurance. Apparently it also means that his "opinions do not reflect those of the Detroit Free Press or it's writers." Well they do reflect those of Jamie, and that's who I'll be picking on today (Jamie in italics, me in regular type face).

At the right price, signing Damon would be good idea for Tigers

Astute observation. However I'm going to predict your article will spend most of it's time talking about how bad of an idea it is. Just to get this stuff out of the way the main projection systems (James; Chone; Marcel) have Damon at about a 3.2 WAR.

Everything about this story strikes me as reactive, not proactive.
Damon claims he wants to be a Tiger. While I’m sure that’s true, it’s only because he hasn’t been able to find another team or another salary that fits his desires. We all wanted to go to the prom in high school.

Well maybe not the Goth kids.

But once the most-popular and best-looking girls were going with the most-popular and best-looking guys, you had to move down the list.

I hope Jamie's prom date isn't reading this today cause that's just insulting. Also I'm sure some people go with their boy/girlfriends, not just whatever nerd they find hiding out in the computer lab blogging about sports columnists...oh wait...

This is Damon asking the nerdy-looking girl from chemistry class.

Samuelsen, haven't you seen any movies? When she takes her glasses off and lets her hair down she's going to look like Jamie Gertz. (Yeah! There's a reference that'll get the blogs hit total up)

The Tigers would be reacting as well. They’re like an eBay shopper who is just looking around the site. Do I need another outfielder? Not really, but hey, if one’s available at that price, I’d be a fool not to at least make a bid, right?

I actually like that metaphor. Sorry, my 7th grade teacher Sister Marie just slapped my knuckles with a ruler and reminded me that when you use "like" it's a simile.

I’ve bought a few things like that on eBay and I have to say that most of them are either in the trash, in a box in my basement, or right back on eBay. Which category Damon fell into would all depend on one thing – the price.

Wow. Well lets hope for Damon's sake he doesn't end up in a box in your basement.

I don’t care if it’s proactive or reactive or inactive, if the Tigers can bring Damon in for one year, on the cheap, then it’s a good move.

Ok. So despite you describing Damon as a 'last resort prom date who you found on Ebay and might end up buried in your basement' you still think he's a good idea? Jamie, going on your 'take whatever hooves into your field of vision' view on signing free agents and dating, I'm guessing your prom night was, shall we say, more than forgettable?

I’ve been critical of the Tigers for how they’ve handled the off-season. And plenty of you have been critical of me. I can’t talk out of both sides of my mouth. I can’t critique the team for going cheap, and then critique them for spending money.

And yet...

But there’s smart money and there’s dumb money. Smart money would be bringing Damon in for a year at less than $5 million.

I agree, that's a cheap amount to pay for 3.2 WAR. In fact its practically a steal.

The only problem is centerfield. Damon can’t play it anymore, especially at Comerica Park. So if Jackson does falter as a rookie, Damon certainly doesn’t solve that issue.

So now we're saying it's a bad idea? Well he's right, Damon has had a negative UZR the last 6 seasons. Of course he's no longer a CF, he played 132 games in left last year. The last time he played center was 2008 for 32 games where he posted a UZR of -36.1 which Bo Jackson and his plastic hip could probably still beat today. But my point is, you wouldn't argue signing Dye is a bad idea because he can't play CF.

I don’t know too many people who will pay to go to see Damon wearing a “D” on his cap.

That nerdy chick you asked to prom probably would.

I don’t think those players exist anymore.

I do. Kevin Costner introduced me to them when I stopped in a field in Ohio.

And maybe some of the ladies who love the look will but tickets(sic) out in leftfield. But overall, let’s just say that Damon won’t exactly have the Mark Fidrych effect on attendance.

Mark Fidrych is a reference to a player from the late 70's in Detroit. From Wikipedia: In his 18 appearances, attendance equaled almost half of the entire season's 81 home games.

Comparing a pitcher's drawing power to an everyday player is unfair since a pitcher only plays at home 15-18 times a year. So it's really easy to draw a direct correlation to attendance spikes and days he starts.

I bet there will be a lot of those blue T-shirts with Damon on the back, but I don’t know how many of those will be buying tickets.

Really? So people would be willing to spend $25 -$100 on Damon paraphernalia, but not $15-$30 on tickets to see him play? (In computer voice) Does not compute.

If I could design the perfect player for the Tigers to acquire, it would be another infielder with a bat.

If I could design the perfect player it would look like Jessica Alba and have Frank Thomas' hitting ability. But Jamie, your infielder with a bat for an arm also sounds intriguing.

But by waiting until February to start shopping and checking out the half-off rack for a bargain, you’re limited in what you can find.

And usually the only sizes left are small and XL.

Damon is not the ideal player.

Agreed.

But he is a good bat. The Tigers offense was bad last season and should be worse this year, based on the departures. Damon would stop that bleeding a little bit. And for the right price, how can that be a bad move?

Case Closed!