A special article from a special man...

According to the Detroit Free Press website Jamie Samuelsen is a Free Press "Special Writer." I'm not sure what that means, but I'm guessing it has to do with providing him health insurance. Apparently it also means that his "opinions do not reflect those of the Detroit Free Press or it's writers." Well they do reflect those of Jamie, and that's who I'll be picking on today (Jamie in italics, me in regular type face).

At the right price, signing Damon would be good idea for Tigers

Astute observation. However I'm going to predict your article will spend most of it's time talking about how bad of an idea it is. Just to get this stuff out of the way the main projection systems (James; Chone; Marcel) have Damon at about a 3.2 WAR.

Everything about this story strikes me as reactive, not proactive.
Damon claims he wants to be a Tiger. While I’m sure that’s true, it’s only because he hasn’t been able to find another team or another salary that fits his desires. We all wanted to go to the prom in high school.

Well maybe not the Goth kids.

But once the most-popular and best-looking girls were going with the most-popular and best-looking guys, you had to move down the list.

I hope Jamie's prom date isn't reading this today cause that's just insulting. Also I'm sure some people go with their boy/girlfriends, not just whatever nerd they find hiding out in the computer lab blogging about sports columnists...oh wait...

This is Damon asking the nerdy-looking girl from chemistry class.

Samuelsen, haven't you seen any movies? When she takes her glasses off and lets her hair down she's going to look like Jamie Gertz. (Yeah! There's a reference that'll get the blogs hit total up)

The Tigers would be reacting as well. They’re like an eBay shopper who is just looking around the site. Do I need another outfielder? Not really, but hey, if one’s available at that price, I’d be a fool not to at least make a bid, right?

I actually like that metaphor. Sorry, my 7th grade teacher Sister Marie just slapped my knuckles with a ruler and reminded me that when you use "like" it's a simile.

I’ve bought a few things like that on eBay and I have to say that most of them are either in the trash, in a box in my basement, or right back on eBay. Which category Damon fell into would all depend on one thing – the price.

Wow. Well lets hope for Damon's sake he doesn't end up in a box in your basement.

I don’t care if it’s proactive or reactive or inactive, if the Tigers can bring Damon in for one year, on the cheap, then it’s a good move.

Ok. So despite you describing Damon as a 'last resort prom date who you found on Ebay and might end up buried in your basement' you still think he's a good idea? Jamie, going on your 'take whatever hooves into your field of vision' view on signing free agents and dating, I'm guessing your prom night was, shall we say, more than forgettable?

I’ve been critical of the Tigers for how they’ve handled the off-season. And plenty of you have been critical of me. I can’t talk out of both sides of my mouth. I can’t critique the team for going cheap, and then critique them for spending money.

And yet...

But there’s smart money and there’s dumb money. Smart money would be bringing Damon in for a year at less than $5 million.

I agree, that's a cheap amount to pay for 3.2 WAR. In fact its practically a steal.

The only problem is centerfield. Damon can’t play it anymore, especially at Comerica Park. So if Jackson does falter as a rookie, Damon certainly doesn’t solve that issue.

So now we're saying it's a bad idea? Well he's right, Damon has had a negative UZR the last 6 seasons. Of course he's no longer a CF, he played 132 games in left last year. The last time he played center was 2008 for 32 games where he posted a UZR of -36.1 which Bo Jackson and his plastic hip could probably still beat today. But my point is, you wouldn't argue signing Dye is a bad idea because he can't play CF.

I don’t know too many people who will pay to go to see Damon wearing a “D” on his cap.

That nerdy chick you asked to prom probably would.

I don’t think those players exist anymore.

I do. Kevin Costner introduced me to them when I stopped in a field in Ohio.

And maybe some of the ladies who love the look will but tickets(sic) out in leftfield. But overall, let’s just say that Damon won’t exactly have the Mark Fidrych effect on attendance.

Mark Fidrych is a reference to a player from the late 70's in Detroit. From Wikipedia: In his 18 appearances, attendance equaled almost half of the entire season's 81 home games.

Comparing a pitcher's drawing power to an everyday player is unfair since a pitcher only plays at home 15-18 times a year. So it's really easy to draw a direct correlation to attendance spikes and days he starts.

I bet there will be a lot of those blue T-shirts with Damon on the back, but I don’t know how many of those will be buying tickets.

Really? So people would be willing to spend $25 -$100 on Damon paraphernalia, but not $15-$30 on tickets to see him play? (In computer voice) Does not compute.

If I could design the perfect player for the Tigers to acquire, it would be another infielder with a bat.

If I could design the perfect player it would look like Jessica Alba and have Frank Thomas' hitting ability. But Jamie, your infielder with a bat for an arm also sounds intriguing.

But by waiting until February to start shopping and checking out the half-off rack for a bargain, you’re limited in what you can find.

And usually the only sizes left are small and XL.

Damon is not the ideal player.

Agreed.

But he is a good bat. The Tigers offense was bad last season and should be worse this year, based on the departures. Damon would stop that bleeding a little bit. And for the right price, how can that be a bad move?

Case Closed!

Well it was good while it lasted...

Oh wait, no it wasn't. I'm actually had pressed to come up with news people could care about less. Maybe news of a world wide Gallagher tour.

Is there anything more exciting than the Pro Bowl?

I don't think any game could possibly follow up all that build and speculation; the days and days of arguing over who's going come out ahead and why. Good thing the NFL season is over after the Pro Bowl. And most importantly, there is no better way to scout a player than on his performance in the big game, right Paul Domowitch?

Eagles fans got a preview of things to come early in last night's Pro Bowl when AFC coach Norv Turner opened the game with consecutive screens to running back Chris Johnson, both of which went to cornerback Asante Samuel's side.
As he proved on numerous occasions this season, including the Eagles' ugly, back-to-back January losses to the Cowboys, Samuel isn't a big fan of the art of tackling.

Is he more of a sculpture fan?

Hates tackling the way little kids hate spinach.

I just had this image of Samuel's coach telling him that he can either tackle or go to his room. So Samuel responds with his arms crossed, stomps his feet and yells out "No!" in the defiant way a 4-year-old would.

If he couldn't be convinced to tackle in games that mattered, you can only imagine the attitude he brought to this meaningless all-star game.

The same attitude every other player had? That it was a meaningless game and no reason to risk injury? I mean heck, at least he showed, didn't something like a quarter of the players ditch out?

Johnson picked up 13 yards on the first screen and 12 on the second, and on both plays, the PA announcer wound up closer to the Titans running back than Samuel. The Eagle looked like George Costanza in that "Seinfeld" episode where he was knocking over little kids at a birthday party in his rush to get out the door when a fire broke out.

O.K. I remember that episode, but that makes no sense to me in this context. I thought Samuel was supposedly playing lazily? The George thing took a lot of effort.

A couple of plays later, Samuel bit on a pump fake by AFC quarterback Matt Schaub and got beat for a 33-yard touchdown pass to Schaub's Houston Texans teammate, Andre Johnson.

That has nothing to do with tackling. And isn't Andre Johnson kinda good? I'm sure Samuel isn't the only corner who bit on a move Johnson made.

Samuel would get a measure of revenge later in the game when he short-circuited a would-be AFC scoring drive with an interception of Vince Young early in the fourth quarter.

Wow, looks like he put effort into this completely meaningless game anyway.

In Samuel's defense, he wasn't the only player uninterested in getting physical.

Yeah, it's the Pro Bowl.

Whether they play this game in Hawaii the week after the Super Bowl or here in South Florida the week before, the NFL's annual all-star game features less hitting than a fight between two of the Jonas Brothers. There was more contact in a second-quarter end-zone skirmish among the dozen or so NFL mascots in attendance than there was in the actual game.

Yeah dude, it's the frickin' PRO BOWL! Also minus 11 points for the Jonas Brother reference. (And if you're wondering what those points are off of, you're taking this too seriously, like Paul Domowitch at a Pro Bowl game.)

The "battles" between the offensive and defensive linemen looked like something out of "Dancing With The Stars" for much of the game. Eagles left tackle Jason Peters practically had to lay down and get in the fetal position for the AFC's Mario Williams to collect the first of the game's five sacks.

Paul, are you seriously disappointed that you didn't get to see a titanic battle at the Pro Bowl? You just had 20 weeks of football to enjoy linemen fighting it out in the trenches, plus the upcoming Super Bowl. Aren't quaterbacks off limits in the Pro Bowl anyway? Personally I would prefer just a skills competition, I used to like watching Marino and Elway showing off their arms without worrying about a pass rush.

"This is a fun evening," Colts quarterback Peyton Manning said. "We flew down here after our practice today in Indianapolis. Getting to see all these guys, these great players, guys I've gotten to know over the years playing in [other] Pro Bowls, I've formed some special friendships with these guys. It's fun to be here."

At least someone has the right attitude about the game.

Case Closed!