He's got that mean pit bull in the back, the fences are wrapped by thorn bushes, and he never throws balls back that you hit onto his porch. Worst of all, if he catches you in his yard, he'll make you sit down in his kitchen while he prattles on about how things were better in his day. I'm serious,
look here (me in regular/Dan in italics):
Unapologetic Jacobellis a poster girl for all the wrong reasonsWhoops. She did it again.There's an up-to-date reference.
I can't say I'm a big fan of the Winter Olympics. Or snowboarding. But every four years we are force-fed hours of white-out, network coverage from frozen time zones. It's something to watch between the Super Bowl and spring training.
I agree with you there gramps.
In this post-millineum (sic) era, X Games sports get the same props as alpine skiing, speed skating and old-fashioned hockey. With this, we have a new generation of daredevil athletes, free birds who value image and fun over conventional standards of success.
I don't know how you even measure if this is true, but I'm pretty sure athletes like Wade or James measure success the same way athletes like Jordan and Bird did, by championships and how much snatch you got after the game. And God knows, Jordan wasn't concerned with his image.
Which brings us to Ms. Lindsey Jacobellis, of Stratton, Vt., the poster-girl of young fans and athletes who love X-treme sports.
Yes, the jump in athletes having fun at their chosen sport is all her fault. A horrifying trend among our youth, like meth.
Four years ago in Turin, Jacobellis was on her way to certain gold when she decided it would be a good idea to entertain herself and the masses with a hot-dog move as she neared the finish line. It was completely unnecessary. The gold was hers. She had the lead. But when she went into her inboard grab on the second-to-last jump, she stumbled and Tanja Frieden of Switzerland blew past her for the gold medal.
Well, somebody has to be the agony of defeat clip on Wide World of Sports.
Jacobellis was unapologetic and unembarrassed. She went on TV with Bob Costas and calmly explained that she was just having fun. No regrets about silver instead of gold. She had been true to herself and her sport. In an odd twist, the tainted silver only made her more famous. Gold? Silver? What's the diff?Damn kids! Doesn't she know her life should have been destroyed by this moment. Old man Dan was a Boston Globe
columnist. Do you think when Buckner let that ball go through his legs he just continued on with his life? Heck no! He got death threats for years from Red
Sox fans who KNEW baseball was all that mattered. That's how things should be.
That's what kills me about the whole concept. Jacobellis has grown up in a video-highlight world in which values (and rewards) style over substance. Better to look good and fail than to succeed by doing something awkward.Damn sports media! At least Old Man Dan would never take part in it...
Now imagine Dan sits down and offers you a bowl of hard candy before he starts this next paragraph:
You see this all the time in the NBA. I first noticed it with former Celtic Antoine Walker, a skilled player who could have been so much more than he was. Walker had a terrific post-up game. Um, Mr.
Shaunghnessy...I gotta get home.
Not exceptionally tall, he could play with his back to the basket, work to get his spot and score over most defenders.I got dinner in like 15 minutes...
But he didn't like playing in the paint because it was ugly-ball. And sometimes he'd get his shot blocked. Better to look cool jacking up threes from beyond the arc. I think my mom is calling me...
And now, Old Man Dan goes really nuts:
If Jacobellis played in the NBA, this is what she's do. Trailing by one point with the clock ticking down, she'd steal the ball at midcourt and rush toward an easy game-winning bucket. All alone. But instead of kissing it softly off the glass for a textbook layup, she'd go for a 360-reverse two-handed tomahawk. The ball would carom off the back rim and bounce all the way toward midcourt as the buzzer sounded. And she'd shrug and tell us it was more fun trying to win with style.Wow. Complete hyperbole. And extra points for the whole "lay-ups are pure basketball" line of crap. There is nothing fans hate more than a dunk. That's why John Paxon was so popular. He knew the pure beauty of a textbook layup. Fans go nuts for that sort of thing.
Last week in Vancouver, Jacobellis had a shot at redemption from the '06 debacle. That's the way we looked at it, anyway."We" I'm guessing means the evil sports media that perpetuated the style over substance attitude in sports society.
Lindsey didn't see it that way. This was not about redemption for Jacobellis. In her mind, she never did anything regrettable. She had fun. She served herself.Darn her for not taking on the pressure that Old Man Dan and his cohorts tried to put on her. It's as if this young girl doesn't care what an out-of-touch columnist thinks.
And so she took to the hills in the Olympics again and this time blundered right out of the blocks. She slid off the Cypress Mountain course in the first turn of the snowboard cross semifinals. It was an automatic disqualification. Fine. It happens to the best of 'em.
But Lindsey had to remind us that she was right and we were wrong. So she went down the hill, knowing that the medal was gone, and finished her performance with a "truck driver grab.''
Well, she had already lost, what real difference does it make? Whether it was tacky or not, I can't say. I don't know the finer points of etiquette in snowboarding. Now I wish I had watched Snowboarding school.
I can't say I know what a "truck driver grab" is,
Not surprising...I looked it up and in one minute found this description on Wikipedia:
The rider grabs Melon and Stalefish at the same time putting the arms in the BS spin direction also known as a drunk driver.
Wow, I still don't know what it is...and I'm like 300 years younger than Old Man Dan.
...but I know when an athlete is flipping us the bird and this was it. Once again, her fun, her statement was more important that representing the United States of America in Olympic competition.
Yeah, she should have just laid in the snow and let a plow run her over. That would have brought a smile to Old Lady Liberty's face. (Old Lady Liberty is actually a great-niece of Old Man Dan)
Jacobellis blew off the assembled media after her DQ run,
Ooooooo...that's what this is about. The media HATES it when athletes blow them off. You can sit there and yell at them, spit on them, call them gay (Ozzie Guillen), but you better not act like they don't matter, or they will write long rambling articles ripping you 'till the space bar on their laptops doesn't work.
...but was cajoled back to the interview room by USOC officials long after her failed performance.
"It's unfortunate that the rest of the world only sees this race and the one four years ago,'' she said. "I guess I don't have a great track record with the general public.''
She sounds respectful and apologetic there. What else do you want?
What about the showboat move after she'd DQ'd?
"Since everyone was waiting for me to come down, they'd be watching,'' she reasoned. "I figured I would have some fun, show them I still have deep passion for the sport. If you haven't snowboarded before, maybe you should, because it's fun.''
Obviously she lying. She doesn't have a deep passion for the sport or she would have let Old Man Dan whip her "Passion"-style during the interview to make amends.
Cool. Swimming is fun, too. But when Michael Phelps gets to represent our country at the Olympics, I prefer that he dispense with his personal fun and go for the gold.
Now get off his lawn you damn kids!!!
Case Closed.