NBA All-Star Weekend

I just knew that during this weekend I would get a plethora of terrible "ideas to improve the all-star/dunk/maxim party" articles. So I'm cruising the web finding as many as I can to give my audience (Hi Mom!) that are at the bottom of the barrel. We will start with Benjamin Hochman of the Denver Post and an article he calls:

Mr. Stern, Time for an All-Star Makeover


Dear David Stern,

See, it's like a letter. To David Stern. Clever.

The All-Star Game is boring. Like C-SPAN2 boring.

Just for a test I'm going to put C-SPAN2 on right now. Darn it. My cable company doesn't have CSPAN-2 so we'll go with just C-SPAN. And right now Jeff Zucker (CEO of NBC Universal) is talking about corporate reputations in...social...media...blogs...........z..z.z.z.z.z..z
O.K. Screw it. Lets see what's on Telemundo. Wow, a midget dressed as a luchadore tackling a guy wearing a cape while a half naked woman claps and laughs on stage. THIS is what the NBA All-Star game needs.
(Seriously, that was what was on.)

Like Padres-Pirates boring.

Come on now, leave the Pirates alone. They're already the Pirates. That's bad enough.

We're the NBA, darn it...

Who? You writing the letter? Are you supposed to be a GM or something Ben?

...the Barnum & Bailey of sports leagues.

I'm pretty sure that territorial claim is held by anything run by Vince McMahon.

Let's give this thing a Heidi Montag face-lift and get people buzzing about who's on the court, instead of just who's sitting courtside.

I don't know who that is a reference to, but I imagine it's some sort of used up Hollywood actress who's currently chain-smoking and drinking Night Train in a small apartment that she affords thanks to the occasional alimony check from her ex-agent/ex-husband.

1. A 4-point shot. Now, I'm not trying to tarnish the game here, I'm just trying to spice up this exhibition by adding a 4-point, sideline-to- sideline arc, perhaps 3 feet deeper than a 3-pointer. It wouldn't be tacky, it would be tactful — a clever way to create a buzz.

If I remember right, didn't MTV has a similar thing for the Rock N' Jock basketball game? I think Master P hit like a 20 point shot or something like that to win game MVP. They, of course, do not hold that game anymore. I'm just sayin'...


It would be unique to the NBA All-Star Game. And if the game got out of hand, the losing team could theoretically climb back into it with a foray into 4-point land. (I can already hear it on "SportsCenter": "LeBron for 4. . . . Fore!")

I've heard it once and I'm already gritting my teeth at how annoying it is.

2. Roster reordering. OK, you gotta follow me on this one.

No we don't, we're skipping this part.

3. Commissioner's picks. The NBA prides itself on teamwork and community service. And there are players every year, notably the best defensive players or "energy" players, who don't get rewarded because they don't have glitzy stats. I say, each year, a 13th player is named to each conference's all-star team — the commissioner's all-star.

Yes, that would generate fan interest. Having a player on the team fans didn't vote for. Brilliant.

At the end of Ben's article there's a section called "Spotlight On" where, I'm guessing, he puts the spotlight...on...something... So here it is:

The All-Star Game MVP
Not that the down decades helped, but the Nuggets' franchise has had only one All-Star Game MVP, David Thompson in 1979. In fact, the past 12 MVP awards have gone to just six guys: Shaquille O'Neal (three), Kobe Bryant (three), Allen Iverson (two, both with the 76ers), LeBron James (two), Kevin Garnett and Tim Duncan.

If it wasn't for the Philly fans booing Kobe I wouldn't remember any of these.

This season, Nuggets (and Western Conference) coach George Karl wants his guy to make a run at it.
"I would hope Melo takes the All-Star Game a little more serious," Karl said of Carmelo Anthony, elected to his first starting position.

Considering that Melo probably has 10 parties to go to during All-Star weekend you should just be happy he shows up to the game.

Case Closed.