The Next Next Karate Kid

Well since the last one ended up so physically destroyed Clint Eastwood had to pull the plug on her, they apparently decided to go back to using boys. Ken Denmead from Wired.com breaks down the future of the franchise for parents (Me in italics):

9 Things Parents Should Know About Karate Kid

Before we get to the review I, as head of security for this blog, need to make a very important announcement: Piracy is illegal! We let you into this review with your cellphones, but if anyone pulls one out, even just to check the time, and I see the screen, I will kick you out of this story! I have night-vision goggles, so I’ll know!

Hmmm...Odd beginning. Ranting like Tom Waites' Renfield. I am, how you say, at a loss.

Okay, sorry, had to get that out of the way. I mean, they made that announcement at the screening of the movie last night, so I figure it was so important I should repeat it here. Because shaking phone-camera pix of a movie screen will take food out of the mouths of Hollywood movie studio executives.

Oh! Now that last paragraph makes more sense. Of course I'm pretty sure the "phone-camera" (as opposed to the camera phone that I've actually heard of) is banned not because of piracy, but because of it disturbing the illusion of the movie. I was watching the "Iron Man 2" when some stupid Blackhawks fan's phone went off with that ridiculous theme song from their Stanley Cup run. Completely took me out of the movie. I almost lost focus on the Scarlett Johansson.


1. So, it’s The Karate Kid. Is there lots of good, juicy karate in the movie?
Well, actually, no. In reality, there is absolutely no karate in this movie. It’s all kung fu.
If playing off the popularity of the original movie weren’t so important, we’d really ding them for not calling it “The Kung Fu Kid.” But we get it. It’s a movie about a kid learning a martial art. Karate, kung fu, whatever.

Ha! Take that Asian culture. It's all the same over here in whiteville.

Okay, now that the review is over, you’re welcome to take your cellphones out and turn them back on. Thanks for understanding. Remember: piracy is a crime!

Callback!

Case Closed.