Blogamania Goes International

This is a big moment for my blog. Never before have we ventured out of the continental United States to find bad sports journalism. I even ignored that Alaskan Telegraph column where they argued Pete Fuyoltic's heart and grit along with a young up and coming husky named Banana's would win him the Iditarod. We all know through sabermetrics that winning the Iditarod is about sled control and friction reduction rate.
Now, thanks to the big soccer thingy that's going on, and my ability to read English, I get to rip apart and article in My Telegraph UK. Sounds reputable enough, let's go (me in italics/Colin Farmeryin regular):

France’s ship goes down with barely a hand on deck…

When I read this headline on Google, I thought it was literal. As if France had a giant ocean liner that was sinking and the crew just abandoned ship leaving all the passengers to fend for themselves. I kinda feel bad for stereotyping...but not too bad.

France’s World Cup hopes lie in tatters ce soir after a truly shocking performance against Mexico which lacked the fundamantals any supporter of a team deserves.

I'm sorry, what lacked "fundamantals (sic)?" Besides your grammar! Ohhhhh! English put down! Seriously though, read that line. What exactly lacked fundamentals? Their hopes? Mexico? It's a poorly constructed sentence.

The scoreline may have only said 0-2 at the end, but if France had shipped five goals they could hardly have complained. From the pre-match rituals, le Capitaine Patrice Evra had the demeanour of a man who looked like he didn’t believe his team could win the toss, let alone the match.

How on Earth did you judge that? You give us no indication. You just magically decided that Evra didn't believe his team could win. No reason like his shoulders were slumped, he was sobbing and running away, nothing.

En France they expect any player to mouille le maillot – literally soak the shirt – when they turn out for their team. There were several who barely broke sweat.

I really like the idea that Farmeryin has a sweat per minute index he keeps track of to determine how hard a player is trying.

The rest of the article is the usual, you should start the younger players to get them experience stuff and actual soccer analysis. Blah...
But this goes to show that even in England, their columnists grand inferences based of no real information.

Case Closed.