Same Old Mike? Way!

Mike Vaccaro is a columnist for the interminable (that's a word right?) NY Post. According to his bio he has delighted (my word, not his) Post readers since 2002. I mean, with a blog named "Vac's Wacks" how can he not right? So he writes this article after a thrilling Jets-Chargers game yesterday. If it was just a blog post, maybe I would let it go, but this is his actual column for the Post and well, I'm going to have to collapse its nut graph (journalism humor!!!; you'll get that reference when you read his article).

Same old Jets? No way!
SAN DIEGO -- Rex Ryan was fresh off the win of his life, fresh off the call of his life, fresh off giving the kind of postgame (sp.) victory speech a lot of coaches go their whole lives practicing for and never get to deliver.
The Jets coach had nearly collapsed both of offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer's lungs with a victory hug. Ryan had led what Calvin Pace would call "the loudest singing of the Lord's Prayer that I've ever heard." He had taken a blowtorch to 41 years of frustration and futility and failure, nudged the Jets to within a game of the Super Bowl, kept alive his famous itinerary.

Mike, when you say "he had taken a blowtorch...." do you mean Ryan, or the Lord? I hope you mean the Lord cause the idea of him working on his trans-am with a blowtorch, a cigarette and wearing a dego 't' is totally working for me. And in case you're wondering Rex's "famous itinerary" is this per USA Today: Jets coach Rex Ryan confirmed on Sunday that he gave his team a playoff itinerary that included a Super Bowl parade in New York on Feb. 9.

They are tough sons of guns, and unshakeable (sp), and playing as well as anybody still alive in these playoffs. Three other teams came into the weekend the same as the Jets had, first-round winners carrying momentum into their divisional games. Two of the three were smaller underdogs than the Jets. All three got flattened.

Alright Mike, hold on. "Tough sons of guns"? As opposed to the Chargers, who should have been playing in ball gowns (pictured, L.T.'s quinceañera gown)and white silk gloves. "Playing as well as anybody still alive..."? Uh...yes, they are playing as well as the other teams that won I suppose. Certainly better than the teams that lost. And how many first round winners don't have momentum going into the next playoff game? It's just so obvious to state.

"See, I think everyone just believes we're a team that acts like we're confident," tight end Dustin Keller, emerging as a significant January hero, said when this 17-14 victory over the Chargers was complete. "But here's the thing: We really believe it. We really believe we belong."

I don't like picking on statements by players, especially right after an emotional playoff game, but insisting that "you believe you belong" comes off as a bit insecure. I'm just saying, the Colts don't tell the media over and over how they believe in themselves as a good team. Alright, back to picking on Mike:

They got after a quarterback most thought they never would touch; they rattled Phillip Rivers -- thought to be un-rattle-able -- and they made every big play available to them.

I'm sorry, I missed the email where Phillip Rivers was declared, "un-rattle-able" by knowledgeable football analysts. Maybe he was and I seriously just missed it. If so, my email is listed in my personal info on the blog guys, please include me from now on. Maybe it's one of those pro-wrestling things where you build up the guy you just beat to make yourself look stronger.

They trailed 7-0 after a half and 7-3 after three quarters but then, on the third play of the fourth quarter, Mark Sanchez scampered out of the pocket, looking, searching, an army of Jets fans praying he wasn't about to go all Richard Todd on them.

Oooooo... Take that Richard Todd. You just got got "Wack Vacced" or "Mack Sacked" or "Crack Backed" or something along those lines. K so I don't really get the Richard Todd reference. Um...First choice is this guy. An actor and war hero. He died of cancer, maybe they were praying Sanchez wouldn't die of cancer during his scramble, a fair...concern...I guess.
There's this guy. A horn player who was on the Jurassic Park sound track. Maybe they were praying he wouldn't start doing a jazz hands dance during the play. Though that seems more like a Robin Williams thing.
Alright fine...he meant this guy. But I wanted to have some fun first.

Damien Woody brought his two Super Bowl rings to work with him yesterday, wearing one on either hand. Alan Faneca has one. That made the trip, too. They didn't say a word. They didn't flash them.
"Just a message," Woody said, smiling.

Sounds like a dick move to me, I dunno. If a friend couldn't conceive a child you wouldn't show up with the pacifier your baby uses hanging around your neck.

The Jets are 60 minutes from the Super Bowl. Sixty minutes from a Possible Dream. Sixty minutes from playing a Super Bowl in Miami.

I have no witty comment about that paragraph. Maybe a Mike Wallace reference. Something like that. It just seems poorly written to me, that's all.
Case Closed!!!