Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Yes We Cam!

Oh Cam Inman. I know you don't know me. And I don't know you. But Just by the title of your article I can tell you are dying for an introduction:

Brian Wilson's clutchness is how championships are built

Well, you just gave me a hypothosis this blog can really work with. I haven't been this excited since I got a cherry red Yamaha moped for my 10th birthday.

Giants closer Brian Wilson is at it again.

Let's just hope "it" isn't "years of drug abuse and mental illness" like another famous Brian Wilson.

Pitching in a game before adoring fans, that is.

Ha! Cause the singer version went nuts you see. And I'm using it for comedic fodder. Wonderful.

Has there been any bigger news out of spring training than Wilson's successful Cactus League debut Sunday?

What does that have to do with trying to build a beach in your living room?

Apologies to Barry Zito's ever-lasting contract, Brandon Belt's eye-opening swing, and, on the A's side, Hideki Matsui's paparazzi.
The Giants vitally need Wilson to defend their long-awaited world championship. On Sunday, he worked a 1-2-3 inning with two strikeouts and a lineout, showing no signs of a sore back kept him out of earlier exhibitions.


I have no idea what the previous three things have to do with Wilson. Zito's contract, Belt's swing and paparazzi have no effect on Wilson.

What a perfect reminder the Giants have a reliable closer, rather than just a charismatic one whose popularity has gone global via late-night talk shows and a one-night stand at Charlie Sheen's lodge.
Go ask the 1990 A's, the last Bay Area team to try defending a World Series crown. They relied on Hall of Fame closer Dennis Eckersley and he delivered 48 regular-season saves (15 more than he had in 1989) en route to a third straight World Series.

Isn't Dennis Eckersley's most famous moment BLOWING a game by giving up a homerun to Kirk Gibson? Guess he was "out-clutched" that day.

Wilson set a Giants record with 48 saves last regular season, then came six more saves in their magical postseason.
But it wasn't all easy. Game 2 of the National League Division Series against the Atlanta Braves backfired, when Wilson entered in the eighth inning.
A six-out save? For the first time in his career? It didn't happen. The Braves rallied from a 4-1 deficit, the Giants lost 5-4 and Wilson didn't shirk the media glare, saying afterward: "When I'm called upon, I enjoy being the stopper."


Wow, it's like being clutch is something bestowed upon a player only in retrospect, as opposed to being an actual ability. Or maybe, you can be clutch one day, but not the next. Can you be clutch and still fail? That's the real question. For people who care about such superstitions.

He savors the drama -- sometimes self-induced -- as well as the accompanying spotlight.

Very true, he has a drama-savor factor (DSF) of .753. That is of course, on the Jeterian scale where Derek Jeter is a perfect 1.00 and A-rod is a bottomed-out .001.

Lots of pitchers can throw fastballs over 90 mph. How many have the mentality to throw a full-count slider past Nelson Cruz for a World Series-winning strikeout?

How on earth would you qualify this? Honestly? How many pitchers have ever had the oppurtunity to throw a full-count pitch to Nelson Cruz in the World Series, when he represents the final out?

"More guts than stuff," read TBS' scouting report on Wilson as he took the mound for his Game 2 outing against the Braves.


Hey boss, should we list: What pitches he throws? Speed? Tendencies? Nah, screw that, just put up some generic comment we got from a message board.

Hey, no guts, no glory, right?

That's what the movie posters say.

Yes, Wilson has guts, and they wonderfully complement his underrated "stuff" that proved championship caliber.

Whose Championship Caliber? The teams? His? His "Stuff's"?
He also has the galaxy's best beard, a revived Twitter account and a unique persona that works as a video-game pitchman.

All good for making money, means nothing for winning rings.

With a championship ring and World Series-winning baseball in his possession, he is more worthy of a reality show than two years ago, when "The Life of Brian" last aired on Comcast SportsNet Bay Area.
A two-time All-Star, he has the proper mindset, the growing confidence and a flame-throwing arm that (hard to imagine) sat idle in 2003 after Tommy John surgery.
He turns 29 on March 16, so more aches, tweaks and sore backs may be in his future. But he isn't one to rest on his ever-increasing laurels.


What do these "facts" have to do with his "clutchness building championships" as the title of the article insists?
Yes, Wilson has a routine. Some folks may interpret that as his entertaining and comical sideshow. But his on-field work is much more important, and it shows with three-up-three-down fashion, as was the case Sunday. That is how you close a show.
Go ask Armando Benitez how hard that was to do in a Giants uniform four years ago.


It's harder to close in a Giants uniform than in a Royals one? Or a Rockies one? Do you use like a really itchy fabric to make them?

Go ask Tiger Woods if he'll ever regain his closing-round magic on the golf course.
Go ask the 49ers and Raiders if they'll ever again find a quarterback who can rule the two-minute drills.


I like that the reporter, who has access to these athletes, is requesting the audience go do what is essentially his job. You can get a press badge for Pebble Beach, why don't you go ask Tiger. It's your article Cam.

Wilson saved four games that touched off wild celebrations in a month span last season, starting with a National League West-clinching win Oct. 3 and following with three series-clinching saves in the playoffs.
If coffee is for closers -- see: Alec Baldwin in "Glengarry Glen Ross" -- then pour Wilson another cup. None of that decaffeinated stuff, either.

In the spirit of that last line:

Fuckin Case Fuckin Closed You Worthless Sacks Of Shit.

And As Baseball Season Begins Again...

So does my blog. With a basketball article of course (Me in regular face, DJ Gallo in italics):

Miami and the seven deadly sins

4. Being soft
The problem: Again, losing is not a great sin. But fans respect players who at least lose with toughness. Flopping is probably a bigger barricade to soccer's growth in the U.S. than anything else. Americans don't want our traditional sports flop-icized.

That's maybe the worst reason I've heard for soccer not being popular in America. I do not know ANYONE who thinks flopping is the problem. It's so absurd considering the amount of cheating fans will generally put up with.

6. Getting fat
The problem: Professional athletes are essentially paid millions of dollars to be in shape. So when an athlete has a bigger gut than the average working schlub, it bothers people.
The Heat: The Heat have many problems, but physical fitness (currently) isn't one. But don't forget that last year Wade showed up for the season with more than a few extra pounds, leading team president Pat Riley to criticize his physical fitness. And considering that the Heat are already crying after regular-season games, we're another loss or two away from them staying in bed for a week and eating cartons of Haagen-Dazs while watching "Sex And The City" DVDs.

Where to start? Number one: this is about the sins of the Heat. And you list one you admit they aren't committing. Be honest DJ, you just couldn't come up with 7. Number two: the whole 90's Married with Children "All women eat bon-bons and watch Oprah" jokes...kinda hackey at this point. Maybe that's just me. That episode with Sam Kinison was great though, gotta admit it.

7. Hitting people in the crotch
The problem: Forget sports, it's a code of life itself: Never, under any circumstances, is it OK to hit someone in the crotch. Those who have done it on the basketball court -- Reggie Evans, Chris Paul, Kevin Garnett, unfortunately the list goes on -- will never live it down. Nor should they.
The Heat: To my knowledge, the Heat have yet to be reduced to the realm of crotch-punchers. At least literally.

Wow. DJ obviously only got to 5 and then just went fishing for two more just to fill out the quota. Kinda sad.

But Heat fans and anyone who bet on Miami to win the NBA title have to feel like they've received a direct shot to the unmentionables.

Kinda like how I feel after reading this half-assed article.

Case Closed.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Doesn't Seem Like a Big Deal Dept.

Struggling Colts turn attention to fixing problems

By MICHAEL MAROT

INDIANAPOLIS — The Indianapolis Colts have lost two straight meaningful regular-season games for the first time since October 2008.


I know I'm getting older but 2008 does not seem all that long ago to me.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Bit of a Departure

I found this article while reading a blog that is actually popularby this writer known as "Slacktivist". It may be the most abrupt and creepy ending to any news story ever:

The dancing continued past the ball’s official end at midnight. Mr. Wilson had to tell people to go home. The fathers took their flushed and sometimes sleepy girls toward the exit. But one father took his two young daughters for a walk around the hotel’s dark, glassy lake.

That is the ENDING to a New York Times story. Read that sentence. The two page story just ends there. I’m sorry, but that sentence is the beginning of a story, probably one that ends up as a plot on Law and Order SVU. How on earth did a New York Times editor allow that to be the ENDING to a story?