Bringing Back a Classic

If firejoemorgan.com had a pet peeve it was the use of the term, "true yankee". They had plenty of articles ripping journalists who applied the term to anyone who got a game winning hit for the 'Evil Empire'. Well I intend on continuing the tradition and thanks to Joel Sherman:

Crucial hits make Berkman true member of Yankees

Interesting, I had assumed the trade made him a member of the...oh wait! Joel wrote "TRUE" member. Exactly. Because you see, if you get game winning hits (Boone) you're a "true" Yankee. If you a choke artist like A-rod up until last year, then you're just some bum collecting a paycheck, whether you're the best player on the team or not.

MINNEAPOLIS — Lance Berkman resided in an interesting place as he came to bat in the fifth inning last night.

Wait a second, wait...wait...wait...You can become a true Yankee in the 5th inning? I'm pretty sure that according to the rules you can only become one in the 8th inning or later. Because everyone knows getting a hit in the 5th inning is a lot easier than getting one in the 9th. Just a scientific fact.

Technically, he was a Yankee. He had the uniform, drew a paycheck signed by a Steinbrenner, enjoyed the company of a clubhouse saturated with All-Stars.

If you're not a Yankees fan, you probably get how arrogant that last line sounds. True or not.
But even Berkman admitted he wasn’t really a Yankee. He acknowledged that “they were making the playoffs with or without me.” And since his July 31 acquisition, it has essentially been without him. There were days he seemed to be hitting with a wet sock rather than wood,

I'm sorry, but is it harder to swing a wet sock than a dry one? What does the dampness of a sock have to do with the metaphor?

...so stingless were his at-bats,

That's called mixing your metaphors kids.

so lacking in meaning were his regular-season efforts.

What? His efforts lacked meaning? What on earth does that mean? And could he write it in a more pretentious way?

Thus, with the score tied 1-1 in Division Series Game 2, Berkman was still searching.

I guess so. No journalist/writer now-a-days should start a sentence with 'thus'. It just makes you sound like a cardigan wearing twerp. Thus, people want to beat you up.

He had talked quite a lot about having a moment or two in the playoffs that would make his brief stay with the Yankees more than a footnote, more than an unfortunate pitstop in a terrific career gone to seed.

And ANOTHER mixed metaphor. Congrats. By the way, my great-grandmother called and said no one's used "gone to seed" since the Haymarket Riots.

Carl Pavano threw a 2-0 changeup that dipped down in the zone. At that moment, Berkman had accumulated 107 Yankee at-bats and registered one homer. Heck, there were a lot of batting practices against 60 mph pitches from coaches when Berkman could not get a ball out of the park. In the Yankee Game 2 lineup, the only player less likely to be able to get over the deep center-field wall at Target Field than Berkman was Brett Gardner.

Ha. Also, Gardner, not a true Yankee yet. Though I believe being brought up in the system means different rules apply to you. I'd need to check my manual on "Yankee-ness".


Yet Berkman did not just get it over the wall to put the Yankees ahead 2-1, “he got it over our bullpen,” hitting coach Kevin Long said. “That ball was crushed.”

Rule 2.1 The farther the home run goes, the more of a Yankee the player becomes.

It was his first postseason homer since Oct. 17, 2005, NLCS Game 5, Astros vs. Cardinals; coincidentally that homer also coming in support of Andy Pettitte.
In those days, Berkman was renowned for gap-to-gap might that was mainly absent as a Yankee before last night. He went over center fielder Denard Span’s head again in the seventh inning, launching a double so far that it actually scored Jorge Posada all the way from first with the run that would put the Yanks ahead for good.
“You don’t feel you are part of the team until you do something to help the team,” Berkman said.

That's fine, I think we can all understand that. You show up halfway through a season and you might not feel like you are part of the team. I get it.


So now he is a Yankee, the offensive star in a 5-2 triumph that sent the Twins to their eighth straight playoff loss to the Yankees.

First, lets all laugh at the Twins ineptness. Alright, now lets laugh at the arrogance of a member of the press bestowing "Yankee-ness" on a major league baseball player.

So he didn’t come to New York to hit third. He came to put a coat of paint on that season. He wanted to know for sure if his lost passion was about meaningless games in Houston or something gone dead in his batteries forever. He says now “in my heart, I know this was the right move.”

When did he say he lost his passion? And yeah, leaving a dead team for the perennial favorites
was the right move, brilliant.


And he turned out to have something left in more than his heart.

Just UGH...Baseball has that magic thing, I get it, but this is just 'Disney sappy'.

He still had enough that after getting a favorable call — Pavano’s 1-2 pitch in the seventh was probably strike 3 — he could still capitalize. He walloped the next pitch for a double that ultimately brought an infuriated Twins manager Ron Gardenhire out to complain and, ultimately, to get ejected over that likely missed call. Berkman now had five hits in 12 career at-bats off Pavano, all for extra bases.

Gee, so maybe it had less to do with his heart and more to do with him being able to dominate the pitcher he was facing. It might have a little more to do with talent. I dunno, that's just me.


But the homer and double last night were particularly sweet. They allowed him to step inside the velvet rope and really join the Yankees.

Ehhh...clubs like that tend to be filled with boring, vapid people anyway. Personally I don't think its worth the effort to get in.

Case Closed!

It's Been A Long Time

I know. Things have been hectic here at the Bronson Courthouse. I've tried to keep my eye out, but you get involved in a civil dispute involving 2 cats and a stamp collection, it's going to eat into your time. Anyway, here's a little Phil Rogers to keep the fires burning:

Baseball whispers: Who's Nick Markakis?
Nick Markakis remains one of the best hitters no one notices.

Um, people have noticed him. A lot of people. A lot of people who like baseball. And to be honest, we're not all that impressed. He's a good hitter, good OBP, decent SLG, a little speed. I have no idea about his defense though because I'm too lazy to scroll down to the bottom of the page.

He entered the weekend with 43 doubles, making him only the third player in history to have four consecutive seasons of at least 43 doubles. The other two were Joe Medwick and Tris Speaker.

Oh yeah, he's frickin Tris Speaker because he has a randomly selected number of doubles for a random amount of consecutive seasons. So next year if he accomplishes this feat again you can tell your friends that Nick Markakis is better than HOFer Tris Speaker. Go on. I dare you to tell them that.

Case Closed.

This Really Got My Goat...

Whatever that may mean.

Regarding fantasy sports:
"I never pay attention to it," says the Detroit Tigers' Jim Leyland, who's been managing the real thing for more than 20 years. "It's amazing when you hear fans say, 'Hey, I had your guy on my fantasy team.' That doesn't mean anything to us."


Seriously, what a jerk thing to say.
Timmy: “Hey Mr. Leyland, I bought your jersey today cause you’re my favorite manager!”
“Suck it Timmy, I gotta go have a smoke.”

Maybe people do it to feel like they're in charge of a real team. But it's nothing like a real team, believe me.

Yeah old man, no one thinks that.

This Isn't the World Series of Poker...

Heck, I didn't even know Norman Chad still wrote for anyone. Unfortunately, he still fancies himself a columnist and presents junk like this:

NFL fantasy football fans have taken over the sport

The National Football League — America's last refuge of undeniable world dominance — began its 91st season Sunday.
(Traditionally, Major League Baseball unofficially opens its season by having the president throw out the first pitch; in the NFL, the new season is unofficially christened when Jay Cutler throws his first interception.)

I'm gonna say 'ouch' for Jay Cutler.

For the uninitiated, here is a brief chronology of the three crucial stages that established the NFL with its fan base:
-- In 1920, the NFL began play. Fans generally rooted for a team when they watched a game.

Still true.

-- In the 1950s, the point spread became prevalent. Some fans now rooted for a team to "cover" the point spread, with money being involved; this is commonly known as "gambling."

Which the NFL can thank for its explosion in popularity.

-- In the 1990s, Fantasy Football took hold. Some fans now didn't root for teams. Rather, they rooted for individual players to score touchdowns or defenses to record sacks, with money being involved; this is not known as "gambling" but it is.

Yeah Chad, people still root for teams. I mean it's 2010. Have we not dispelled this notion that running a fantasy team is in direct conflict with rooting for your favorite team?
Over the last generation, two changes have greatly altered how many fans watch NFL games — instant replay as an officiating tool and fantasy football. What once was a relatively pure and simple viewing experience — relax a little and root for your team — has been largely perverted.

This is completely unprovable on his part. The idea that before instant replay and FF, people apparently didn't care what happened during a game. You'd think he would be thinking these progressions for fueling interest in the sport.

Fans now concentrate on officiating mistakes or individual achievements; in the latter case, whichever team wins is inconsequential.

Yeah I just watched my local NFL team with a group of 15 fans, most of whom have fantasy teams. Trust me, they were extremely concerned with the local team winning. A bit too much if you ask me.
(This would be like going to the opera to see "La Boheme" and not caring if Mimi and Rodolfo can reconcile their lost love before her death because you're so hung up on sound and lighting issues and whether Rodolfo hit a higher note in the third act than Marcello.)

Wow, that is like the worst fantasy league ever.

America may need to rebuild, but it will have to wait until a nation of fantasy freaks is done shouting, "They've GOT TO challenge that!!!"

I don't get what the challenge system has to do with fantasy football. All apologies to fans of the Lions, of course.

Now, frankly, I shouldn't begrudge fantasy fanatics their pleasure. The games are there for our recreation and entertainment; if someone finds more enjoyment by having a financial stake in how various players perform, so be it. And I had made my peace with these people — they stay out of my living room, I stay out of their sports bars — but then I heard about fantasysportsinsurance.com and fantasydispute.com and, well, the uneasy truce was over.

I'm sorry Chad, you're best known as an announcer for what again? Water polo right?

If Tom Brady has a season-ending injury in Week 1, you now are protected. You can buy fantasy insurance online with just a few clicks and a credit card.
(I'm fairly confident many people these days do not carry life insurance but carry fantasy insurance.)
If you think there was an unfair trade in your fantasy league, you now have an avenue to justice. You can settle disputes with your fantasy friends online with just a few clicks and a credit card.
(Remember: Fantasy owners have rights, too!!!)
Incidentally, I'm glad to see lawyers have found another revenue stream; to be honest, I've always thought our nation was under-litigated.

Ha! Lawyer joke!

Of course, the fact that you can now insure your fantasy picks or resolve fantasy disputes raises the age-old question:
Does America have too much wealth? I think that's self-evident. More importantly, does America use its wealth wisely? Well, folks, if we've got enough money to spend $14.95 a pop to have a Yale-trained lawyer arbitrate a fantasy feud, I believe that one's self-evident, too.
(Full disclosure: In regard to misspent wealth and skewed priorities, I must admit that I earn income from commenting on what 22-year-olds wear while playing poker.)

Hey he copped to it finally, nice. Also, he's right, but who am I to begrudge someone a way to sucker people out of their money.

Alas, I wish we could dial the clock back to a time when watching the Jets and Giants lose provided all the weekend pleasure we needed.

That sounds like a horrible, boring time. It's sounds like the kind of time Grandpa Simpson waxes poetic about.

By the way, Jay Cutler threw his first interception with 5:33 to go in the first quarter of the Lions-Bears game. Enjoy the rest of the season!

Case Closed!